Step work

Well hello there! I’ve been very quiet on here. It’s been a very busy few months with the new job, working the steps and going to meetings. But all is good! I’m 9 months sober tomorrow 🙌 whoa ho!!! I do secretary at my home group every Sunday and I’ve been helping newcomers as much as I can. As they say, you have to give it away to keep it 💕 I really want people who are suffering to find the answer like I did. There is a way to get sober, stay sober and live a fantastic life! I am no longer alone and neither are you.

What about the steps then? Well I had already completed step 1 when I got to the rooms as I was completely powerless over alcohol and my life was unmanageable for sure – tick ✔️Step 2 – I came to believe a power greater than I had removed my obsession for alcohol – well I couldn’t do it that was for sure!! I didn’t care if it was god, the rooms, my dogs or the universe! The fact that it was removed amazed me and I was eternally grateful. Tick ✔️Step 3 – by this point I knew my higher power was god. But don’t let this put you off! There’s people who have many different faiths or just the power of the rooms that keep them sober. I had fallen out with god a long time ago as I had felt abandoned and not clean enough for Christianity. I was brought up with god and had seen the wonderful life he had given my grandparents when they took us to every Sunday school, missionary tent, gospel hall etc going! But then when they got old and separated I found out my granda hadn’t been good to my nanny when they were younger. He was very controlling and in their twilight years she left him. My young world fell apart! I only knew granda to be this amazing loving man who took me on bike rides, told great stories and looked after me when I was sick. My nanny was a mild and meek cuddly woman who baked and filled us full of sugar. I loved them both so so much and it hurt finding them something they weren’t and now living very sad and lonely lives, as I seen it. The churches they attended didn’t want them anymore and they were no longer of use like they had been in their younger days. I know this upset them terribly. Thank goodness a few years later they reunited and granda made his peace with nanny before he passed away. I was angry with god but didn’t realise that it was probably my grandad’s faith and teachings that helped him to make amends. God had always been showing him the way and he just couldn’t see it until he could see. And god had always been there for me with all the scrapes and situations I had got myself into with drink I had survived! God didn’t move away from me, I moved away from him! I decided to turn my life over to god and got down on my knees and prayed the step 3 prayer with my sponsor – yep I felt like a dick and nope I didn’t see any flash of light or angels trumpets 🎺 but I felt very emotional and like a weight had been lifted off me 🤯 mind blown!! And tick ✔️

Step 4 and 5 – scary ass shit where you write your inventories about those you feel had harmed you and reflected on your role in it. You cover sexual conduct 🙈, fear and resentments. Yep, this can take a while!! One bit of advice I was given was – see that deep dark secret you swore you’d take to the grave?? Share it! Or risk your sobriety. This had me shit scared!! Leaving yourself so open and vulnerable is not easy – that’s why you need a sponsor you trust whole heartedly. I bit the bullet and told and you know what? It was a relief! There’s no judgment and she actually took the piss a bit but it shed a different view on my dirty big secret and I was left feeling – hey shit happens and it maybe wasn’t so bad. Though I’m still not sharing it on here lol 😂 I discovered a lot of buried feelings, unhealthy relationships and shame I’d been pushing so deep down that I’d actually forgotten some. Again a burden was lifted and I felt contentment. I have to say that contentment is definitely under rated! Until I started properly feeling it I don’t think I’ve ever really known the feeling. It’s amazeballs!!! And another tick ✔️

Now, I’m saying tick but I don’t mean it as a tick, job done. All of these steps are making sense more and more as I live them. It’s a programme for living and you are never done. People call it a toolkit and by Jesus if someone has said to 17/18 year old me. Here’s a guide to live by and how to live, I would have bitten off their arm!

It’s really hard not to gush about this programme and if I had a tambourine I’d give it a good fucking shake in celebration 🥳 because life is good and I am beginning to learn who I am thanks to AA.

Peace out brothers and sisters ✌️

Sibi xx

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