Not a Happy Camper

Hi dee hi campers!  The OH and I were away in the caravan for a couple of days there.  Oh yes, we are hardcore campers!  It’s the first time from we got the van two years ago that we have tried Winter and it was bliss.  We went to Tollymore Forest Park which lies to the rear of the Mourne Mountains.  The Mournes are an area of outstanding beauty here in wee NI and you can spend hours walking them year on year and still find new sites to see!  After our walks in the mountains we were all cozy at night in the caravan watching I’m a Celebrity 🙂  The doggos love it too!

So, what’s been happening with me?  Well after the IVF failed, I went into a bit of a low period started to panic about going back to work.  You see, I had convinced myself that my anxiety, stress and paranoia in the workplace would all be solved when I got pregnant.  I really didn’t want to go back but felt it would be bearable if I had something so wonderful and precious to look forward to.  Then I would be off on maternity leave and could really look at my career options.  Breathing space in a way while having our dreams of a little family come true too.  As you know, that didn’t work and I was really panicking about returning.  Now, I have to say here that I was so proud of myself that I didn’t drink!  Yay!  Saying that, I think I had a few days that if someone put a nice cold beer in my hand and said ‘you can drink and there won’t be any repercussions’ then I would have ripped their arm off!!!  But, little old me didn’t sneak to the offies and hide a bottle (or three) in my bag, wait for hubby to fall asleep and go on my usual binge.  Nope, I fired up the laptop and started applying for jobs like maniac!  I definitely get that I am an obsessive person, if it’s not the drink then it’ll be something else – IVF, decorating the house (just had the painter in!) or applying for new jobs.  I suppose in a way it has it’s upsides as you get things done, but the down side is the racing brain 😦

Anyhoo, I seen this job that shouted out to me, great opportunities, interesting, good money and out and about rather than stuck in the office for hours a day – yes please!  So I applied – near the end, at the statement bit I decided to give it a break over the weekend and come back to it on the Monday.  It needed edited and tweaked but overall wasn’t bad.  Come Monday and I went on to complete and submit it.  Queue big red writing saying – SUBMITTED!!!!  Eh?  Oh no, I really wanted that to be as good as it could!  So I rang and they said it had automatically submitted as the closing date was that day!  I explained what I had done and she told me not to worry, she had looked over it and thought it was fine – it definitely wasn’t for those of us that have OCD about grammar and layout ahhhh!  So with that, I thought ‘well that ones a no goer then!’  Then a couple of days later and I got a call to invite me to interview in two weeks time.  Delighted!!!  I had to prepare a presentation and get myself ready but sure plenty of time.  All ready I went to the office and met the interviewee’s, one of them was so lovely and really chatty – my type of person!  She would be my boss and as we chatted we both realised we had worked together previously but in different offices – AA says there are no coincidences!  My higher power was really looking after me with this job.  The more they talked about the job the more I wanted it!  I stumbled a bit on two questions but everyone was so friendly and supportive.  I was told I would hear that day or the next and it might go to second interview.  No word!!!!!  Ahhhh!  I rang the recruitment department to see if there was an update – nothing yet.  Then the following day I was told I had gotten to second interview and had to prepare another presentation.  I had worked hard on the last one and did the same for this one.  Two days later I was interviewed via Skype and again the girls were so lovely – I could see the girl I had worked with nodding at the other one when I answered questions – not sure if they knew I could see them lol!!!  It was looking good!  Please higher power, let me get this.  And, then I got the offer ye ha!!!!  Thank you lord!!!!

And so another chapter begins, I start the new job in the new year.  IVF has been put on hold so I can settle into this post and then we will try again.  Our follow up appointment with the clinic was disappointing.  Everything had worked really well but the eggs just didn’t take.  It could have been they didn’t have the right number of chromosones but there was no way to know.  When we go again, they will follow the same protocol and the chances remain the same.  I suppose I was really deflated by that – I thought there was something I could work on or fix but there isn’t.  That’s why we decided to give it a break – it’s a lottery and I just don’t know if I could cope with the disappointment so close to the last.

So you are probably wondering why I’m not a happy camper considering the new job.  Well, I’m due my monthly and there’s no sign – hormones probably still up the left!  The living room needs sorted from getting it decorated, our tree is sitting lopsided needing decorated and there’s xmas shopping needing done.  Uh!  And I’m just feeling so flat.  The hubby and I have fallen out about five times today over daft things but I’m just so angry!!!  I probably really need a meeting but I’m also really tired so I thought I’d give off on here lol!!!  It really is easy to loose site of sobriety sometimes and I really don’t want to become complacent or two busy for it – that’s when we get into trouble.  So I will go to bed and tomorrow is a new day – hopefully the hubby feels the same and is talking to me in the morning lol!! 😉

Hope you guys are all well!

Cherry bye,

Sibi xx

4 thoughts on “Not a Happy Camper

  1. You are so strong and only others who have a drinking problem can really understand. I know about fertility issues and how hard that can be as well. Congratulations on your sobriety and job. Sending love

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That means so much!! Thank you 🙏 I was a bit nervous sharing the ivf on a blog about drinking in case people thought it wasn’t right to do it so early on in sobriety. Unfortunately time wasn’t on my side 🙈 Happy new year and love xx


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