E E Ecstasy!!!

Hey buds, sorry I’ve been a bit quiet on here – I literally had the worst flu bug along with the IVF meds and couldn’t lift my head never mind stare at a laptop 😦  That’s me back to normal now thank god!  I missed AA for nearly 2 weeks as well but had no urges to drink so all was good.  I think with the IVF it keeps the thoughts of alcohol mostly at bay so that’s a big bonus too.  I really missed getting to AA though and missed my fab AA friends and family – shout out to the East End!! Mwah!!!

So I started the injections, which in all fairness were really easy – 300 of Gonal F Stims once a day for 2 weeks.  Some women have other meds and have to mix the liquid and use a syringe but mine was an epi pen ready to use with a small needle.  The hubby did most of the injections – which actually were a bit more uncomfy than when I did it – but I wanted him to be part of it.  About 3 days in, the dreaded IVF headaches started and then the following day sore throat, aches and pains and sickness – I felt awful!  Anyhoo, I managed to grow 8 follicles and they got 6 eggs at collection.  Now, that was an experience!!!  I got rolled into the theatre when 5 people came running around, 1 putting stirrups on my bed, 1 telling me to move my bum down the bed, 1 putting the sedative into the tube in my hand, 1 putting heart monitors on and 1 sneaky nurse I saw come round from my left, down to my feet in the stirrups and ‘POP’ – stuck a pessary up my bum!!!!  I actually had to ask myself if it really happened it was that quick!  Then it was lights out – wham bam thank you mam!!  A bit like when I was drinking lol!!! 😉  But they got 6 little eggs and mixed them up with the hub’s bits and 2 fertilised – both are growing well into cells and hopefully they will be blastocysts tomorrow!  The clinic will ring me and tell me when to come in to transfer them back into me – I can’t wait!!!  I’m hopeful but scared and positive but realistic – even if they make it to go back in they could die in the womb while waiting 2 weeks to test.  Then if I get a positive the risk of miscarriage is quite high up until 12 weeks – it really is a mad rollercoaster!  Wish me luck!!

All these IVF drugs have made me think about the years I spent clubbing and eating disco biscuits.  I did have a ball on E’s I have to say but obviously my drug of choice and the one I got the most from was alcohol.  The bonus about E’s was it kept you awake and sober enough to keep drinking – even though you were highly unattractively chewing the bake of yourself and any make up earlier applied for going out had melted from your face down to your chest – sexy!!  My friends and I loved clubbing in our 20’s and went out every weekend to various clubs all over NI.  This one time on a Friday night we are all sitting having a drink in mine when my boyfriends mates called in and suggested we all go up to Portrush on the Saturday and go to Lush (I can’t remember who was playing but Tall Paul, Judge Jules, Pete Tong etc always made appearances).  We decided to book to stay in the a Hotel called the Eglinton – a renowned party venue, den of iniquity and the only Hotel I’d ever heard of having bouncers in the hallways of the rooms!!  On the Saturday morning we packed the cars up along with our carryouts (I was driving and everyone else was drinking away – road trip!!!  Portrush was 100 miles away from my home town.)  And the fella’s had sorted out the stash of E’s we needed for the evening time – picture the 2000 movie Human Traffic and that was us – a must watch if you haven’t seen it!  So there’s me, my boyfriend P, my pals M and K and another fella Gizzard – northern irish men have the weirdest nicknames!!  In another car was another group of our friends – one with the nickname Goat!  So the madness began and we had our road trip with music pumping, pee stops, munchie stops and singing at the tops of our voices arriving at the hotel and meeting the others in the hotel bar – my time for a pint!  I was definitely less alcho then and more party girl!  The rooms were less than average but clean and the hotel consisted of twisty hall ways and stair cases everywhere – it was like a maze and no level seemed the same.  We drank our fill in the hotel, had the carryouts in the rooms and the boys were running about like balloons.  My friend M was very drunk as were the others from drinking all day (me mega proud of not being the most sloshed for a change!).  We got ready for the night club – all glitter spray, boob tubes and catsuits in the mid 00’s!  So there we were in the hotel bar again, bunged with 20 somethings everywhere drunk, buzzing and hormones galore.  The lads handed the E’s over to me and my friends and we popped them apart from M.  She decided to leave hers until she was going into the club.  Next door to the bar was a stripper doing her thing for a stag do – probably doing more than her thing and every now and then a naked man ran through the bar chased by more naked men.  The Hotel was already living up to expectations!  The drink flowing and everyone more than tipsy and now coming up on E’s it was time to get taxi’s to Lush.  We got there and joined the queue, jaws already grinding and gurning and the excitement building.  The bouncers normally didn’t search the girls but tonight they were doing bags – it was too late before my friend M realised her purse was getting a going over and she had put her E in there.  They took the E and wouldn’t let her in but the rest of us were good to go – dilemma – what to do?  Of course, girl power and sticking together was the done thing but K and I were flying already and could hear the music calling us.  I couldn’t leave my boyfriend and K was just saying nope I’m staying.  So poor M said she would go back to her room and wait on us returning.  As soon as the taxi came K and me were like, okay see ya!!!!!  Running for the club and not even glancing back – such bad friends!  What a night – the DJ was amazing, the E’s were amazing, I was loved up with my boy P and everyone else in the club – new best friends made in toilets and on dance floor – tick!  Come 2am we decided to go back to the hotel and continue the party with M.  When we got back bouncing through the door M was pretending she was asleep but was really huffing (don’t blame her!) – K promptly got another E and tried to shove it in M’s mouth – M spat it out and we were all down on the floor on our hands a knees trying to find the precious E!!  E found and more shared about we had the music full blast and were dancing round the room – the whole hotel was bouncing as everyone partied in their rooms.  We went to my room where we found my boyfriend and Goat had stripped naked and were doing an assault course around the room finishing it off by diving into a full bath tub??!!  In another room K got pulled by Gizzard so that door was locked.  M and I decided to walk the halls and see what was going on in the other rooms.  We found a party on another floor in the maze of halls and went in to chat with another 20 odd girls and guys, next thing I knew the bouncers were at the door, RIGHT, who belongs to this room – what numbers are you?, who’s in the bathroom? – Downstairs has been flooded!  Open the bathroom door!  I began to notice that M wasn’t in the same room as me – had she left while I was loved up with my new best friends and went back to our rooms??  Finally, after the bouncers forcing the door from their end, the bathroom opened and we all looked through – M was standing fully clothed but soaked from head to toe like she’d been in the shower, the floor was flooded and a guy sat in the bath naked with a little water in the bottom of it – even the ceiling was soaked!!!!  The bouncer said to me and M – what number are you??  We replied and got told to shift it back to our room.  We ran to our room meaning to go back out once the bouncers were on another floor sorting the other lunatics out but every time we took a sneak peek the bouncers were staring at our door wagging their fingers!  The party continued in our room with my boyfriend and M ended up going with Goat so when morning came and I insisted then on drinking more since the drugs were worn off everyone else went to sleep.  I got dressed and went down to the bar where I sat and drank with complete strangers and by the time everyone else came down I talked them into drinking too.  I never wanted the party to end – it had to go on and on and on!  M and K came down and said to me sure your driving – luckily M hadn’t drank from early the night before so she offered to drive my car.  I didn’t care then – I always knew something would work out – as selfish as I was!  There were many nights like that where I ended up in parties with people I didn’t know, in areas that were well dodgy and where I refused to end the party and always looked for another one when those party friends drifted off so I moved onto the next batch of party people.  The signs were all there early on!

I found myself thinking about drink when I was ill last week because I would have drank through any cold or flu as there was no way I was missing my drinks!  Thinking of alcohol just made me feel more ill thank feck!  But I did think about E’s – mmmmh, maybe later down the line I could take E’s again, sure I was never addicted to them, months went by between taking them and what harm would it do???  That is how insidious alcoholism is!  It gets into your head in other ways messing with your mind – no Sibi, taking E’s in the future would not be okay because you would be replacing one obsession with another that’s equally life destroying!  Always having to be self aware – that’s what AA is teaching me 🙂  Oh and I’m 3 months sober on Wednesday, whoa ho!!!!!  I’ve agreed to do my first Chair at AA in a couple of weeks too ahhhhhh!!!!  I can’t wait to do service though and giving back will also help me develop.

Right I’ve yammered on enough – keep safe and don’t do drugs kids!! 🙂

Love,

Sibi xxx

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